Love is Watching Someone Die (Remade)
by Ayai
Summary: Karkat doesn't know if he can let her go. The beginning is the same, ending is much different. Karezi Warnings: Language, Character Death, Cancer
1. Chapter 1

**Before starting this I recommend you make a playlist of What Sarah Said by Death Cab for Cutie and Cancer by MCR and listen to it.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CG: HEY.

CG: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

CG: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE AN HOUR AGO.

GC: SORRY, 1M RUNN1NG 4 B1T L4T3. 1LL BE TH3R3 SOON.

CG: YOUR RESPRITEBLOCK IS RIGHT NEXT TO MINE. IT REALLY SHOULDN'T TAKE THAT FUCKING LONG TO GET OVER HERE.

GC: W3LL, 1TS NOT MY F4ULT I OV3RSL3PT, D4V3 4ND 1 W3R3 UP L4T3 L4ST N1GHT WORK1NG W1TH TH3 M4YOR ON C4N TOWN.

CG: DO YOU EVER DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN TALK ABOUT THAT ASSHAT?

GC: Y3S.

CG: LIKE?

GC: 1 T4LK 4BOUT TH4T B4ST4RD L3MONSNOUT.

CG: HE'S A FUCKING STUFFED DINOSAUR.

GC: H3S 4 DR4GON, MR GRUMPY HORNS.

CG: DON'T TALK ABOUT MY DAMN HORNS. BEST HORNS YOU'VE EVER SEEN.

GC: 1M BL1ND.

CG: SMELLED.

GC: 1 H4V3 TO 4DM1T, TH3Y T4ST3 PR3TTY N1C3 FOR SUCH NUBBY HORNS.

GC: 3

CG: SHUT UP.

CG: UGH.

CG: 3

CG: STOP DOING THAT.

GC: DO1NG WH4T?

CG: THAT THING WHERE YOU INSULT ME THEN TRY AND GET OUT OF IT BY PUTTING A SHITTY HUMAN VASCULAR PUMP AFTER IT.

GC: 1TS C4LL3D 4 H34RT. 1T SHOWS YOU C4R3 4BOUT SOM3ON3. W3 H4V3 TH3M TOO, YOU KNOW.

CG: IT'S FUCKING ANNOYING.

GC: WH4T, YOU DON'T L1K3 1T WH3N 1 SHOW HOW MUCH 1 P1TY YOU?

GC: K4RKAT, WHY DO YOU TH1NK 1TS P1TY?

CG: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN?

GC: WHY DO M4T3SPR1T3S P1TY? WHY C4NT W3 LOV3?

CG: BECAUSE WE AREN'T HUMAN. HANGING AROUND THEM ALL THE TIME IS FUCKING WITH YOUR ALREADY SCREWED UP THINKPAN.

GC: TH3 SUFF3R3R 4ND TH3 D1SC1PL3S R3L4T1ONSH1P W4S S41D TO TR4NSC3ND TH3 FOUR QU4DR3NTS. TH3Y LOV3D 34CH OTH3R.

CG: OR THEY JUST HATED THE OTHER SO MUCH IT COULDN'T BE BLACK.

GC: YOU KNOW 1 R34LLY DOUBT TH4T.

GC: 1 DONT TH1NK 1LL B3 4BL3 TO M4K3 OUR D4T3.

CG: MOVIE SESSION. NOT DATE. SESSION.

CG: AND WHY THE HELL NOT?

GC: Y34H WH4T3V3R. 1M JUST SO T1R3D! 1 D1DNT SL33P MUCH B3FORE, BUT NOW 1 SL33P A LOT!

CG: THIS IS BULLSHIT. YOU SAID YOU'D WATCH SOMETHING WITH ME IF I LET YOU FUCKING DRAW ON ME. AND EVEN AFTER I SAID NO YOU DID IT ANYWAYS! SO YOU OWE ME, GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE.

GC: B GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGF DUXRXDR6YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYY

gallowsCalibrator [GC] has ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CG: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

CG: TEREZI.

CG: RESPOND WHEN YOUR LEADER ASKS YOU SOMETHING, DAMMIT.

CG: I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR THE FUCKING DINGS.

CG: STOP TRYING TO WEASEL YOUR WAY OUT OF OUR MOVIE SESSION.

CG: PRETENDING LIKE YOU'VE FALLEN ASLEEP IS A SHITTY WAY OF AVOIDING SOMETHING.

CG: HEY.

CG: FUCK YOU, TEREZI.

CG: AM I GOING TO HAVE TO DRAG YOU HERE?

CG: …

CG: SEEMS LIKE IT.

CG: PREPARE YOURSELF, PYROPE. YOU'VE JUST EARNED YOURSELF TWO MORE MOVIES PLUS A DANE COOK SPECIAL.

CG: YOU'RE JUST DIGGING YOURSELF A DEEPER HOLE.

CG: I'M ON THE WAY, ASSHOLE.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

.:.:.:.

"Karkat, please calm down."

"_How the fuck am I supposed to calm down_?"

Kanaya glared at the raging troll in the middle of the room. Karkat was pacing up a storm, swearing and ranting with each step, drawing Kanaya's concentration away from where it needed to be at the moment.

Karkat had entered Terezi's respriteblock only to find her sprawled out on the floor, her glasses knocked haphazardly to the side. She appeared to be sleeping, but her face was contorted in pain, with beads of teal running down her face. Karkat had cautiously places a hand to her forehead, only to find it unnaturally warm, while her fingers were freezing.

It was understandable why Karkat flipped the fuck out and called Kanaya—the only troll on the meteor who had any kind of healing knowledge at all—to come and fix whatever the hell was wrong with his matesprit.

It was completely out of character for Terezi to miss a chance to bother Karkat in exchange for sleeping. It was also out of character for Terezi to SLEEP. Karkat was well aware that Terezi was plagued by nightmares every time she closed her eyes, resulting in her avoiding sleep whenever possible and whenever she would wake up from a particularly vicious nightmare she'd scout for Karkat to try and forget about it.

Karkat snapped at Kanaya once more, his patience worn thin already, "Holy fuck, why are you taking so long?"

Kanaya glanced up from where she was kneeling on the ground, giving Terezi a basic examination. Her gaze flickered to Dave and Rose, who had accompanied her, and motioned for them to take care of Karkat. Take care of meaning get him the fuck out.

Karkat did not take lightly to being kicked out of the room, and insisted on putting up a fight, only getting so far. He was able to get Dave's cape in his grip, and he began tugging and wrapping it around him when Dave attempted to drag him to the transportalizer. With Karkat busy with keeping Dave immobile, Rose was able to wrap her arms under Karkat's and drag them both onto the pad, and with a flash they were gone, leaving just Kanaya and Terezi alone.

.:.:.:.

It had seemed like hours had passed before Kanaya appeared back in the lab, when in all actuality it was probably only… a few hours.

Karkat had sprung up from his husktop, where he had been arguing with his past self only moments before; still agitated that Kanaya threw him out of HIS matesprit's room. She was NOT the leader, and Karkat would not put up with this shit.

Before Karkat could barrage her with anger driven questions, Kanaya attempted to speak, " I apologize for the wait, I had to obtain a few new medical instruments to thoroughly examine Terezi, which involved quite a bit of extensive research—"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Karkat interrupted, rolling his eyes at his friend, "So what the fuck's wrong with her? Is it all that damn chalk she's been eating? With my luck it'll be some kind of poison shit and she'd going to go postal and we're going to repeat a point in time that has already passed with a different person and less victims. How many times have I fucking told her to stop licking everything? She probably licked something toxic and look where it got her."

Karkat continued his ramblings, completely unaware that Kanaya was waiting for him to shut the hell up, "Knowing her she probably though it was a good idea to go and just start licking things with radioactive symbols on them, because I bet they taste delicious!" he rolled his eyes. "So is she fucking sick or fucking poisoned? Well, I guess they're basically the same—"

It was Kanaya's turn to interrupt, "Yes, Karkat. She's fucking sick. She's _really fucking sick_."

.:.:.:.

Terezi's illness was unfortunately no form of chalk poisoning.

Kanaya estimated she had about three months if they couldn't find a cure.

.:.:.:.

Month One

Terezi was losing weight, Karkat could easily tell.

Her cheeks had sunken slightly, not too much, but enough for it to be noticeable. Her fingers became thinner, more brittle appearing.

It was because Terezi refused to eat at most times. She claimed she had no appetite and would only eat of Karkat literally sat on top her of and shoved the food in her mouth. She would become angry with him afterwards, but if it kept her from starving to death Karkat could deal with the pain of her glares.

Karkat was able to get enough food into Terezi, but the female was not able to keep most of it down, resulting in an empty stomach and a mess to be cleaned up. He didn't really mind, of course, but the whole situation was getting kind of repetitive.

Kanaya was researching with the help of Rose, while it was Dave and Karkat's job to keep Terezi's spirits up, as a sick Terezi could easily become a depressed Terezi, which it was common knowledge was not a good way to heal.

Thankfully Terezi was a happy troll in general, so Karkat and Dave were not required to do much, and usually only ended up getting into fights when they were in her room together.

After a small strife one day, leaving Dave and Karkat bruised and Terezi asleep, Dave noticed something.

"Dude, what's that on her arm?"

Karkat narrowed his eyes and looked at the spot Dave was pointing out, angrily knocking his hand out of the way to get a better look.

On top of the fair gray skin, there was a yellow splotch. Karkat frowned, and lifted Terezi's arm from the bed, careful to not disturb her from her sleep, as lately it had been hard to come by. She was suffering from constant stomach pains that made it hard for her to relax in any way shape or form. He rubbed at it slightly, sighing when it didn't smear off.

He gripped her cool hand in his, his hand now appearing much larger then hers. It was hard to remember that barely three weeks ago she was up and running around like normal, smiling that mouth full of knives, drawing on every plain surface in sight—well, scent— and being the active troll she had always been, now bedridden and hurting.

While Terezi wasn't sad, she wasn't as happy as she usually was, Karkat couldn't remember the last time he heard her cackling laugh and felt the need to turn around and walk in the opposite direction away from the psycho that was sure to track him down anyways.

Karkat chuckled a bit, his grip tightening. He missed how things were before, honestly. He'd rather have an annoyingly happy Terezi than a sickly hurt one.

He could only hope Kanaya found a cure soon, so things could return to the way they belonged.

.:.:.:.

Kanaya had sat Dave and Karkat down with her and Rose one day an explained the conclusion they came to about Terezi's illness.

"We believe it is some form of what the human's call 'cancer'. From what Rose has told me and what I've researched it's a deadly illness that could easily kill if not treated." Kanaya spoke softly, holding one of Karkat's (who was very confused) hands in one of her own.

The word 'cancer' shot blots of electricity up Karkat's spine.

Rose continued for her, "Terezi is showing signs of pancreatic cancer, which happens to be the most aggressive."

Dave frowned, and Karkat continued begin confused, "Well, you assholes were researching this right? How do we treat it?"

Kanaya's shoulders drooped slightly, "We don't."

.:.:.:.

Month Two

Kanaya and Rose had reimmersed themselves in research, each of them having a burst of hope and refusing to accept that there was no way to cure Terezi. They swore that they could be able to cure it by some means, and they wouldn't give up until the last second.

Karkat was horrified that something he had a hand in creating was what was hurting Terezi, and to make up for it he spent every moment possible with her.

Her condition started to decline more rapidly. She lost more weight, more of her skin was turning a light shade of yellow, and her eyes appeared more orange then red. At this point in time her keeping down any sort of sustenance was a miracle in itself, as anything put in her mouth would usually end up coming right back up.

Karkat lay next to her, holding her while her head pounded and knives attacked her midsection. Her eyes were screwed shut in pain, and every now and then a single teal drop would slide down her cheek, only to be wiped away by Karkat's thumb.

"Karkat," she whispered, her voice strained and hoarse, "it hurts."

Karkat felt a flash of pain in his chest, "I know. But you're strong, and you can handle a little pain like this. You'll feel better soon." He sighed, "Our time on this meteor is almost over, we'll be meeting up with Egbert and Jade soon, and maybe they'll know what to do. So all you have to do is be strong until then."

Terezi's hands gripped Karkat's shirt tighter, attempting to pull warmth from him. "I don't want to die, Karkles. If I'm gone, what'll happen to you?"

Karkat rolled his eyes, "Don't know. Let's not find out. If you die I'm going to be seriously pissed at you. I'll have to hunt you down and sentence you to spend the rest of your days fucking around without the use of any sort of drawing tool." He ran his hands over her cold shoulders, trying to give her some heat from the friction.

She nodded against his chest, "I won't let go. I'll stay strong like your matesprit should be."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

.:.:.:.

"She's getting worse, you haven't found anything yet?"

"I'm not a doctor, Karkat. I only study human medicine, but I can only search so much before there's a wall blocking my path."

"What about Alternian medicine? Haven't you found anything from Alternia that could help?"

"No, because on Alternia she would have been culled when she first got sick."

"Fuck Kanaya, you said you'd find a cure!"

"You talk like I'm not trying! I'm exhausting myself trying to salvage what information I can; Rose and I are doing our best. Terezi's death would take its toll on us, also. She's our friend, too."

"You're right, you're right. Fuck, I'm sorry. It's just… we're running out of damn time."

.:.:.:.

Month Three

Scars littered Terezi's arms from her frequent scratching. Karkat would catch her scratching herself bloody at times, desperate to be rid of the constant itch.

Her mentality was beginning to be affected. Gone was the gleeful, flirty, and funny troll, replaced by a shell of her former self. It pained Karkat to see Terezi wither away, losing herself every day. The scalemates that once littered the floor were long gone, in their place monitors and discarded syringes that once contained something Kanaya had thought might help, but did nothing.

Terezi was tired. She was tired of the fighting of the illness. She was long done with the aches and the pain, she just wanted for all of it to be over. But she had made a promise to Karkat, and she couldn't lie.

That just wasn't how a Libra functions.

.:.:.:.

"I thought TZ had three months."

"She can last for more then three months, asshole. She's strong."

"She doesn't look strong."

"Shut your fucking rap spewing shithole, Strider. She's strong enough to hold on."

.:.:.:.

Month Five

"You're doing great, Terezi. Remember; after you get better you still owe me a movie marathon. You can't just skip out on a date like that. That shit was important."

"Mm… Okay…"

.:.:.:.

"Karkat, she's hurting."

"She's okay."

"No, she's not."

"Yes she fucking is."

"Karkat she's in pain." Kanaya emphasized, "Unimaginable amounts of pain. She should have been overcome by it months ago."

"Just because you fuckers think she's weak enough to give into a little sickness, you're wrong. Terezi can hold on for months more."

"The only reason she's still here is because she's fighting for you. You're keeping her here. She's in pain because she doesn't want you to be sad."

"That's not—"

"She's being torn apart from the inside out."

"No—"

"You can't be selfish anymore, Karkat."

"Stop, you don't know—"

"She's suffering because of you."

"Kanaya_, please_—"

"Let her go."

"_Please_—"

"She deserves to be happy."

.:.:.:.

Month Eight

A figure lay motionless in her bed, no longer moving. Half lidded eyes stared blankly up at the ceiling, the faint rise and fall of her chest and the heart monitor by her bed the only indication she was still living.

Karkat Vantas couldn't breathe. The air would catch in his throat whenever he'd try to force it down, and he couldn't stop the red tears from streaming down his face. His legs shook as he climbed into his matesprit's bed, crawling up next to her and as gently as possible, taking her into his arms.

Such a frail body, Karkat was sure if he made one wrong move it would snap in half. Her lips were chapped and pale, the skin even more so. Her once bright red eyes appeared lifeless, though from the small blinks you could tell there was a light somewhere.

Her body shook even more than Karkat's, her small limbs twitching, and her mouth opening a bit in what was sure to be a pained gesture, but she could force no sound out.

His tears dropped onto her face, sliding down her cheeks and onto the bed. He absorbed in the damage he had caused Terezi. She would not be in this situation in the first place if not for him, and she wouldn't be this weak hurt mess in his arms if he was only strong enough to be able to let her go.

And it was time to do just that.

"Terezi," he began, his voice shaking and cracking, his tears falling faster. How could he do this? How could he live without her?

"I'm so, so sorry for what I've done."

He knew she could hear him, from the way her spasms were dying down, and her arm kept making jerky movements upward, as if she were trying to lift it but couldn't find the strength. He stroked her cheek lightly, knowing if he pressed even a small bit harder he'd leave a yellow bruise.

A small flash lit up the room for a second, and Karkat could hear the five new additions, shuffling off the pad and to various locations in the room. Gamzee had finally come out of hiding and the Mayor had come to send his faithful helper off.

Karkat paid them no heed, his attention never leaving Terezi.

"I've caused you so much pain, even before this shit. I know you wanted to let go, and I didn't let you. And I'm sorry. I just—" Karkat had to stop to take a shuddering breath, and he saw what he thought had dried up two months ago, a teal tear drop out of one of the blank eyes. This just caused him to sob further. He was wasting time, every second he was wasting she was hurting more.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you. You were my sun, you kept me happy, and you made me feel sane, and safe. I don't know what's going to happen, Tez, but it's okay. I can go at it alone now.

"I'm going to kill Jack, and we're going to win the game all over again. We'll make a new world, and we'll all be okay. Wouldn't you like that? We'd all be safe. And this is the first step to doing this."

Karkat quickly swiped his sleeve over his face, leaning down and pressing his lips to Terezi's cold ones. He could feel the traces of breath escaping them.

"I think it was love, Terezi. All this time it wasn't pity I felt for you, and I know you didn't pity me. It was love. Always love. And when you love someone, you know what you do?" he whispered, his hand brushing her hair softly. He wiped away another one of her tears and murmured for the whole room to hear.

"You let them go."

He could feel it, the tiny prickles on the back of his neck. She was focusing on him, desperately trying to look at him. He could feel her cursing her blindness for once, it was almost as if an iron thread connected their minds, it's binding so strong that nothing could rip it apart. This thread allowed him to read her like a book. He knew in her most likely final seconds, she wanted to be able to see his face, to be able to touch it, to run her fingers through his hair.

Karkat could almost sense the pain she felt, somewhat dulled by the heavy pain medications Kanaya had put her on, though he could still tell that it was almost unbearable for her.

"This is my fucking fault. If I wasn't such a selfish nooksniffing moron, I wouldn't have let this happen." Karkat's hand rested gently on her face, as his tears mixed with hers. "But it's all okay now, because you can _stop_. Just…stop."

He released a tormented sigh, in all reality; he didn't want her to go. He still wanted to be selfish. He still wanted to hold her captive in his arms, and refuse to ever let her leave him.

Terezi's shaky rise and fall of her chest showed her determination to Karkat. She wasn't letting go.

"I know, I made you promise. You don't have to keep it anymore. The contract is officially fucking void." Karkat bit his lip, chanting silently to himself, _this is it_, "Go to sleep, Terezi. I'll be right here."

The cool orange tinted gaze stayed trained on him, a slight shine of defiance laced into them. Karkat felt himself begin to bristle. Why wouldn't she just fucking stop? He wasn't an idiot, he knew she was hurting now, and out of the kindness of his fucking blood pump he was relieving her of her duties. "I know you're listening to me. It's because I love you I'm doing this, so quit acting like a grub and stop being so stubborn."

Her facial expression had no change.

"Let. _GO_!"

"No."

Karkat froze.

If he hadn't seen her lips part, he would have been sure he was imagining things.

The rush of sound had escaped her lips as if it were a breath, the one word requiring so much force behind it.

Terezi hadn't been able to speak for months; her lungs simply to weak to take on any other task other then breathing. In. Out. In. Out. No room for anything else.

Her attempt at speaking left her visibly exhausted. But at Karkat's soft sputters, she tried again. In all her life, she had never, ever, tried so hard in anything. It was as if there was a three ton weight on her chest, and a block on her voice box, taking away every chance that she would be able to speak.

Fight.

Fight.

_Push_.

"Never…let go…" Her speech came out rushed, and she would have to pause for a good while to try and make the dizziness go away, failing notably, "Promise… I'd…. stay…"

Her eyes fluttered shut, and Karkat briefly wondered if that was that, if Terezi had used her last bit of energy on saying she'd never leave him. In that state, Terezi was able to speak once more, "For you…" and then silence.

Karkat's heart constricted painfully as he stared down at the motionless figure in his arms, his tears completely soaking his sleeves from where he tried to wipe them away.

His eyes widened as he watched her though, it was still there. The beating of her heart, he could hear it. Her lungs expanding, he could see it.

A rush of joy spread throughout his veins, but only for a split second before they froze.

"Karkat? Is she," Kanaya paused, her light footsteps halting behind him, "gone?"

Karkat's throat seemed closed off, and all he could do was force himself to let out a chocked no and shake his head vigorously.

"She won't fucking do it." He whispered, anger at his matesprit overwhelming him. Terezi Pyrope must be the most stubborn, infuriating troll in all of Alternia's dark depressing history.

He suddenly had an overpowering urge to slam his fist through the nearest wall, knowing well that it would probably only break his knuckles and leave a dent in the wall. But Karkat was never one for self control.

"FUCK!" he yelped out in pain, quickly drawing his hand away from the wall where he had indeed managed to crack impressively at the cost of his own wellbeing.

His anger point was boiling over, and the violent outburst kept pouring out from him. He rose his foot and slammed it into the cracked wall repeatedly, not stopping when his foot broke through, only switching targets.

Gamzee got his arms around Karkat before he could do any more damage to Terezi's room. He struggled furiously, twisting in Gamzee's arms and even going so low as to try and sink his sharp canines into his exposed flesh.

Kanaya quickly approached and gripped Karkat's flailing arms tightly, bringing them together in one of her hands. She lowered herself to his level and spoke to him directly, her eyes staring into his, "I'd like to ask that you cease your destructive warpath." Her voice was firm, and as always, it did a favor on Karkat's nerves, forcibly smoothing them out and calming him down.

_Deep breaths, Karkat._

_In._

_Out._

_In._

_Out._

He fell limp in Gamzee's arms, his strong moirail gladly taking his weight upon his shoulders, refusing to let Karkat fall from his grip.

"What do we do now?" Karkat asked tiredly. He was completely wiped; this whole ordeal had taken so much out of him. He was mentally exhausted. He remembered when this all began, he had been filled to the brim with hope that everything would return to normal in only a short while. Now it was all gone, and all Karkat wanted was for Terezi to die.

He cringed at the thought. How wrong that sounded.

No, he didn't want her dead.

He wanted her safe, and happy.

He wanted her to be laughing and carefree.

He wanted her to be able to able to love without judgment.

He wanted her to be able to draw wherever the fuck she pleased.

He wanted her to never feel pain, or sorrow.

He wanted _her_.

Kanaya had a thoughtfully disturbed expression as she probed her mind for a remaining option.

"Well…. While we have accepted defeat, its clear Terezi hasn't. In a situation such as this one, the patient would be declared mentally unstable and their wishes would be ignored. Their closest relative or significant other would choose the next course of action." She paused, trying to piece her words together in the least triggering way. "In this case, the decision rest with her significant other—you, Karkat—whether or not to keep fighting."

The lowblood's eyes narrowed. Fighting? What the fuck does she mean by fighting—

_Oh._

The narrowed eyes quickly widened to what Karkat was sure were at least the size of Strider's shades. "You want me to decide… if we should kill her?"

Kanaya solemnly nodded. A grunt from somewhere in the room reached Karkat's ears, and his in shock brain registered that Strider kicked the wall in frustration, letting what he thought to be a cool kid façade slip.

He turned his head so he was watching over Gamzee's shoulder, whom he was still using as a cane, so he could look at Terezi.

Sick, skinny, broken Terezi.

Yes, he had agreed that holding her here was selfish, and he needed to stop, but he couldn't just force himself to sentence her to death.

_He couldn't kill her_.

.:.:.:.

"_Karkat!" Terezi called, giving the person of her attention little time to prepare himself for her throwing herself at him._

_The force of her body hitting his knocked him off his feet when he tried to catch her, throwing them both backwards into the pile of scalemates located conveniently behind them._

_When Terezi had messaged him earlier about wanting to talk about something in person, Karkat had admittedly jumped at the chance, not having seen Terezi for a large amount of the time they've already spent on the meteor._

_Terezi made no move to get off him, and waves of excitement just rolled off her in droves, her jitters passing onto Karkat._

"_Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I realize things have been sort of rocky between us lately, and I'm tired of waiting for you to fucking grow up and go out on a limb, so I'm doing it myself!"_

_Karkat had a suspicion of where this conversation was leading, and honestly, he was actually rather pleased and somewhat giddy._

"_Karkat, will you be my mate—"_

"_Yes."_

_Terezi began to laugh and Karkat felt his cheeks flush._

_She sealed the deal with a kiss._

.:.:.:.

Month Ten

Karkat couldn't deal with it.

She was still being stubborn, and Karkat felt the need to punish her.

He hasn't seen her in a month.

He thought that if maybe he just…left…so would she.

Oh, how wrong he was.

"She keeps asking for you."

Ignored.

"She wants to know why you've abandoned her."

_Stab._

Fuck.

Karkat glared daggers at Dave, cursing him for the pain to his heart. He acts like it was easy for Karkat to tear himself away from her. He really thought it would be the best for both of them, so Karkat would get used to the separation and Terezi would… yeah.

"She hasn't actually said any of that, but I can tell whenever I talk to her. She's always crying now—"

Karkat rudely interrupted him, Dave's voice always made the acid in his food processor churn, "Just shut the fuck up Strider. Yeah, it was stupid of me. But I can't fucking take it anymore!

"I can't just sit there and watch her wither away into nothing! And she's just… letting herself hurt."

Dave raised his eyebrows at the apparent distress laced into Karkat's words. Karkat acted like he was the only one who was sick and tired of everything.

"Whatever, man. Just go see her already and stop acting like a douche."

As Dave walked back to the transportalizer, Karkat knew he wasn't going to submit himself to it anymore.

.:.:.:.

He fucked up.

He had only been able to last another two days before finally cracking and entering Terezi's room.

Things were different then he had left them.

More machines lined the walls around Terezi's bed, and from the knowledge Karkat's gained over the past months about medical equipment, he could tell they weren't doing anything other than holding off some of the pain.

Terezi herself was different. Her appearance in general hasn't changed much, but Karkat's heart skipped a beat when he tried to look into her eyes.

Stitches held them shut.

Karkat bit his lip and remembered something Kanaya had once told him weeks ago, right before he left.

"_If she doesn't start blinking regularly again, we may be forced to sew her eyes shut."_

He had hoped that it would never have to come to that, but he had hoped for a lot of things hadn't he?

"Fuck, Terezi," he said, she acted as if an electric shock had run through her body. Her nose no longer worked of course, but her ears still had some function left to them. She obviously had not been expecting Karkat to be right next to her. "What are you even doing?"

Karkat was sure that if she were still able, she would have cried.

He made a choice then. He was going to stick by her through the rest of this.

.:.:.:.

Mouth Twelve

"What the fuck's going on?" Karkat exclaimed as he was plunged into darkness, and the meteor began to vibrate slightly, the small movement still threatening to throw him off his feet.

Of course, he was away from Terezi's room for five minutes, five fucking minutes, and all hell breaks loose.

Kanaya was having a hard time keeping her composure, "The generator blew, we're too close to the new session for the electricity to work."

Karkat's eyes began to adjust to the darkness, and an annoying buzzing filled his ear. It was as if there was a fly darting around his head screaming its head off.

Kanaya was the only source of light in the room, and Karkat could see her eyes widen with fear, and her mouth pop open.

"What?!" he asked desperately. Had something gone wrong? Has this whole three year journey been a waste?

Rose, who was standing nearby watched Kanaya with concern, before she seemed to grasp the same thing Kanaya did.

Karkat was becoming increasingly agitated. What weren't they telling him? What did they see but he didn't? _And what was this fucking buzzing_?

Lalonde was able to sense his anger, "Karkat. The power's out."

"Thank you, Captain 'Let Me Tell You What You Already Can See'."

"Machines run on power."

Karkat paused, the gears turning in his head. That buzzing in his ear wasn't actually buzzing at all. It was the distant sound of screaming.

Kanaya was the first the recover, retrieving her lipstick from her sylladex, and began dashing to the transportalizer in the middle on the room, her lips set in a grim line.

"Kanaya. KANAYA!" Karkat called after her, his panic level rising.

She ceased movement and turned her head slightly.

"Her pain is hitting her full force. If you won't do it, I will. You have five seconds. One"

"_Fuck, no"_

"Two"

"_This isn't enough time for me to think"_

"Three"

"_I don't want Kanaya to kill her"_

"Four"

"_She'd want me to do it"_

"Five"

"_FUCK"_

"Alright, alright!" Karkat screeched at her. He blindly ran forward to where he knew the transportalizer was, getting his scythes out in record time.

Once he arrived in Terezi's room the buzzing in his ear turned into a deafening high pitched wave of sound, somehow coming from the girl who hadn't made a noise in four months.

By some miracle, she was sitting up in her bed, her hands clawing at her hair, yanking it out in handfuls, and struggling to open her eyes. The stitches that held her eyes closed were ripping her eyelids, struggling to hold their place while Terezi tried to get them out. Beads of blood were collecting in the small opening she made, stinging the sensitive eye she exposed.

Karkat felt bile rise up in his throat in disgust. She was now physically hurting herself. The pain was driving her mad, all sense had escaped her. All she wished for now was to cause herself a different kind of pain to distract her from the white hot fire burning through her veins.

Dave stood by her bed trying to calm her down, while at the same time trying fruitlessly to get the machines going again. Karkat could hear him shouting "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," over Terezi's wailing.

Karkat began to cry.

Hasn't that been the only fucking thing he's been doing for months? _Crying_?

Terezi's screeches began to form coherent words that Made Karkat hunch over ina futile attempt to contain himself.

"Kill me! Just kill me!"

Because even now she wasn't going to do it herself.

Karkat stared at the scythes in his trembling hands, how could he do this?

Memories over took his thinkpan.

_When he and Terezi first met on Trollian._

_When he first saw her in person, the way she was absolutely shocked at her beauty._

_The days he'd stay up to ridiculous hours just laughing with her on Trollian._

_When they entered the game._

_When he first discovered he felt red for her._

_The conversations they had that left him blushing._

_When they became matesprits_

_Their first kiss_

_When he learned he felt what John had tried to describe to him, love._

Terezi kept begging, _pleading _for death.

Cuts hurt. It's a hard fact of life. And Karkat didn't want for Terezi to hurt anymore. He didn't want to be the one to cause her pain; he wanted to be the one to take it all away.

His scythes clattered as they hit the stone floor, and he stepped away from them up to Terezi. By this point she had completely torn her eyelids free from each other, and her blood was running down her face, dripping off her chin and into her mouth, coming straight from the mangled skin. The sight made Karkat want to faint.

He knew that she knew he was here. It was almost like months ago when Karkat thought they had reached bottom, except now it was much, much worse.

_End the pain, make her happy._

Karkat found his hands cupping Terezi's cheeks, holding them firmly, not letting her yank away. He made soft shooshing sounds, and her screams turned into desperate sobs, ending in a high pitched squeal.

_It's time to end this._

He pressed his cool lips to her forehead one last time, lingering there, savoring the moment so it would always remain in his mind.

He had to reluctantly pull away when she started screaming again, for fear that his eardrums would burst if he was too close, and what help would he be then?

One of his hands drifted down to Terezi's chin, cupping it firmly as the other gripped the top of her head, right between her horns, fingers facing the opposite way.

He could taste his own salty tears on his tongue, and he muttered the same cheesy line he had heart in so many movies.

"Goodbye, my heart."

_Forgive me._

Karkat screw his eyes shut and wrenched his arms in different directions.

_**Snap!**_

And all was quiet.

.:.:.:.

END OF YEAR THREE

The four humans all simultaneously raced forward the second their eyes laid on one another.

It had been far too long to be separated from your best friends. Three years. Three hard years.

Jade, Rose, and John had all immediately embraced, Dave a little more hesitant, as he was taught growing up to never show emotion, which he did a shitty job at.

The kids began to catch up, all four of them plopping down onto the metal floor of the lab.

Kanaya, who had been standing aside excused herself, and John's eyes followed her for a while before darting back to Rose, "So that's Kanaya, huh?"

Rose nodded, a small smile playing on her lips, "That is Kanaya."

John turned his grin to Dave, "So, where's Terezi? Is she going to pop out of a hole somewhere and slit my throat like she said?"

The air became tainted quickly.

Dave sighed, remembering that everything was better now.

"TZ's gone."

John and Jade blinked, clearly not yet fully understanding "gone".

Jade tried to change the subject, and he could feel the atmosphere pressing down on her, "Where's Karkat?"

Rose glanced over to Kanaya, who was at the far end of the lab next to a computer, which screen held a hunched over figure captive. Kanaya's hand ran up and down his back in an attempt to comfort him.

As the figure scrolled through the old pesterlog, all the kids could see were flashes of teal and gray.

Rose sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on them. Dave decided she wasn't going to answer and was about to do it himself when she surprised him.

"Karkat… Karkat's gone, too."

* * *

**HEY I FIXED IT.**

**I like this one much better then the original.**

**I was going to work on my Hetalia fanfiction today, but the amount of reviews I got on my last chapter made me mad so no.**

_**~Ayai**_


	2. Pages

**Guess who popped up with another chapter after not doing anything at all for months**

* * *

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibator [GC]**

CG: FUCK YOU.

CG: FUCK YOU SO HARD, TEREZI.

CG: JUST FUCK YOU.

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

* * *

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibator [GC]**

CG: WHAT ARE THE ODDS THAT YOU WOULD GET SICK? I THOUGHT IDIOTS WERE ALWAYS HEALTHY.

CG: WHY DID YOU GET SICK?

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

* * *

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibator [GC]**

CG: HOW LONG HAVE I EVEN KNOWN YOU?

CG: TWO SWEEPS?

CG: THREE?

CG: IT FEELS LIKE IT HAS BEEN LONGER. LIKE YOU WERE THIS TUMOR ATTACHED TO MY THINKPAN SUCKING IT DRY THAT HAS JUST ALWAYS BEEN THERE.

CG: I KIND OF FEEL EMPTY WITHOUT YOU HERE.

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibator [GC]**

CG: OKAY MORE THAN KIND OF.

CG: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? JOHN KEEPS CALLING ME A "WOUNDED SOLDIER", THE LITTLE PRICK.

CG: HIM AND DAVE ARE HAVING ONE OF THEIR LITTLE GIRL TALKS RIGHT NOW.

CG: STRIDER MISSES YOU. HE IS DOING THAT STUPID HALF-MOPEY THING.

CG: I MISS YOU.

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

* * *

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibator [GC]**

CG: FUCK YOU FOR DYING.

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

* * *

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibator [GC]**

CG: I DON'T SEE THE POINT IN THIS. WHY AM I EVEN WASTING MY TIME WITH THIS? IT'S SO STUPID.

CG: I KNOW YOU ARE NOT GOING TO ANSWER, BUT I KEEP TYPING BECAUSE I ALWAYS THINK TO MYSELF, "WHAT IF SHE ANSWERS?"

CG: I SPEND A LOT OF TIME THINKING ABOUT THAT. IF I COULD I WOULD LIKE TO SAY I AM SORRY.

CG: I SOUND LIKE A DYING GRUB CRYING FOR ITS LUSUS.

CG: PATHETIC.

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

* * *

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibator [GC]**

CG: HEY.

CG: TEREZI.

CG: TEREZI.

CG: TEREZI.

CG: T3R3Z1.

CG: LOOK I EVEN DID IT IN YOUR INSANE QUIRK.

CG: WHY CAN'T YOU ANSWER ME? WHERE IS YOUR BRACKET SMILE?

CG: WHERE'S YOUR CACKLE? WHERE'S YOUR STUPID ROAMING NOSE?

CG: WHERE ARE YOU?

CG: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE? EVERYONE THAT WAS KILLED I'VE SEEN IN DREAMBUBBLES. I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU.

CG: ARE YOU SOMEWHERE ELSE?

CG: ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME BECAUSE THIS IS PARTIALLY MY FAULT?

CG: TEREZI.

CG: I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE SAFE AND HAPPY.

CG: THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER WANTED.

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

* * *

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibator [GC]**

CG: I THINK WE ARE GOING TO WIN. THE DOUCHECAKE AND HIS LITTLE BUTT BRIGADE ARE ALL PRETTY CONFIDENT.

CG: ALL THEIR PEP TALKS ARE GETTING TO ME.

CG: I'M NOT ACTUALLY *INVOLVED* IN THE PLAN. I WASN'T INVITED. EVERYONE IS HAVING A MEETING RIGHT NOW BEHIND ME.

CG: STRIDER'S COMPLETELY TAKEN OVER MY JOB, AND HE'S GOING TO LEAD EVERYONE TO VICTORY.

CG: WHILE I SIT HERE

CG: AND JUST KEEP RAMBLING ON IN LOG AS EMPTY AS JOHN'S THINKPAN.

CG: I CAN'T STOP. ALL I HAVE BEEN DOING THESE PAST WEEKS IS GOING OVER EVERY SINGLE LOG WE HAVE EVER FUCKING HAD. EVERY HOUR I SIT HERE AND SEARCH FOR WHEN THINGS STARTED PICKING UP BETWEEN US, AND WHEN WE HIT LOWS. WE GREW A LOT IN JUST A FEW SWEEPS.

CG: I WISH I COULD HAVE RECORDED YOUR REACTION WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING CONFESSED MY RED FEELINGS FOR YOU. I WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN.

CG: THAT MAKES ME SOUND REALLY CREEPY.

CG: YOU'VE RUINED ME, TEREZI.

CG: I WAS STRONG BEFORE. I DID NOT NEED ANY HELP FROM ANYONE. I WOULD HAVE NEVER LET THAT PRICK TAKE OVER MY POSITION, NOT IN A BILLION SWEEPS.

CG: WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?

CG: IF I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS. I OWE YOU A GOOD ASS KICK FOR SKIPPING OUT ON OUR CANDLELIGHT MOVIE DATE.

CG: I KNOW THIS IS JUST CONTRIBUTING IN MAKING ME SEEM LIKE AN OBSESSIVE ASSHOLE, BUT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO HACK INTO YOUR TROLLIAN SINCE

CG: YOU KNOW.

CG: AND I'M PRETTY SURE I'M ALMOST IN, SO I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER TEREZI.

CG: 3

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

* * *

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

CG: I AM PRETTY SURE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE OF US TO ACTUALLY "TROLL" THE KIDS.

CG: THE REST OF US SUCKED AT IT DIDN'T WE?

CG: IT'S JUST ANOTHER REASON WHY SOMEONE ELSE SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAKEN.

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

* * *

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

CG: I'VE BEEN DOING A BIT OF THINKING.

CG: I KNOW, SHOCKER RIGHT? KARKAT VANTAS, A NOTORIOUS FUCK UP, HAS DUMPED THE TRUCKLOAD OF SHIT OUT OF HIS HEAD.

CG: IT'S KIND OF FUNNY, REALLY, YOU GETTING SICK AND ALL.

CG: IT WAS REALLY UNEXPECTED, TEREZI!

CG: TO BE HONEST I NEVER REALLY PICTURED YOU EVER GOING DOWN UNLESS IN SOME, I DON'T KNOW, CLICHÉ BADASS BATTLE ROYALE THAT CAME STRAIGHT OUT OF AN OVER BUDGET ACTION FLICK. YOU WOULD BE THAT LONE WARRIOR THAT MADE ENEMIES FALL LEFT AND RIGHT. BUT IN THE LAST FIVE MINUTES OF THE MOVIE YOU'D TAKE ON THAT BIG BADDIE THAT WANTS TO RULE THE UNIVERSE AND DESTROY EVERYTHING, AND YOU'D GET DISTRACTED. SOMEONE WOULD DIE OR SCREAM AND YOU'D DROP YOUR GUARD. YOU WOULD TURN AROUND TO SEE

CG: WHO YOU NEEDED TO SAVE. AND IN THAT MOMENT

CG: IT WAS ALL OVER.

CG: AND YOU WERE DEAD.

CG: WE'D AVENGE YOU AND SAVE EVERYTHING WE HAD ALL WANTED TO PROTECT.

CG: I THINK THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT SO FUCKING HARD. I CAN'T AVENGE YOU.

CG: NO MATTER HOW MANY KILLS I MAKE, I'LL NEVER FEEL LIKE I GOT REVENGE FOR YOU.

CG: WHAT CAN I DO?

CG: I CAN'T OBLITERATE A DISEASE, BUT THAT'S ALL I WANT TO DO! I WANT TO DESTROY EVERYTHING! JUST THROW ALL CAUTION OUT A TENTH STORY WINDOW AND FUCK EVERYTHING UP EVEN MORE THAN I ALREADY HAVE!

CG: BUT WHAT GOOD WILL IT MAKE? NONE. BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT I DO IT'S NO FUCKING USE. BECAUSE YOU FUCKING DIED.

CG: I'D DO ANYTHING IT TAKES TO BRING YOU BACK. ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. I'D TRADE MY OWN MISERABLE EXISTENCE FOR YOURS IN LESS THAN A BLOOD PUMP.

CG: DO YOU KNOW HOW SHITTY OF YOU IT WAS TO MAKE SEE SIT THERE AND WATCH YOU DIE? THERE WAS NO QUEST BEDS, NO CURES, I FELT SO WEAK.

CG: I THINK I'M DEAD, TOO.

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

* * *

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

CG: I NEVER DID GET TO SEE YOUR TREE IN THE THIRD AUTUMN LIKE I PROMISED.

CG: I'M SORRY.

CG: I KNOW YOU WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT BEFORE WE WERE ROCKET PROPELLED INTO THIS HELL.

CG: I STILL WONDER WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU JUST MOVED IN NEXT TO ME. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH FUCKING FUN WE WOULD HAVE HAD? JUST THINK ABOUT IT. YOU PROBABLY WOULD HAVE HAD A BLAST VANDALIZING MY HIVE EVERY DAY.

CG: IMAGINING WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN FEELS LIKE THE ONLY THING I HAVE LEFT SOMETIMES.

CG: DAMN, I'M SUCH A HOPELESS MORON. I NEED TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER, AND I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT IF I'M STILL FLIPPING MY SHIT ALONE IN THESE LOGS ANYMORE.

CG: EVERYONE'S READY. WE'RE ALL TOGETHER, AND WE'RE READY TO WIN.

CG: I'M READY TO WIN.

CG: IT'S TIME TO END WHAT WAS STARTED. WE'RE GOING TO KILL THESE BASTARDS, AND WE'RE GOING TO OPEN THAT IDIOTIC DOOR.

CG: I'M GOING TO DO THIS, AND I THINK I'M GOING TO SURVIVE AND LIVE WITHOUT YOU. I'VE BEEN SO MOPEY! ALL I'VE DONE SINCE WHAT FEELS LIKE FOREVER IS JUST READ OUR CHATS AND MAKE MORE. IT'S GOING TO BE REALLY FUCKING HARD, BUT I'M GOING TO LIVE.

CG: I WILL *NEVER* FORGET EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH. IT WILL LIVE WITH ME UNTIL I TURN TO ASH. I SWEAR TO YOU NOW, THERE WILL NEVER BE A MINUTE WHERE YOU AREN'T ON MY MIND. MAYBE I'LL PAINT IT ON THE WALL OF MY NEW HIVE IN THE NEW UNIVERSE. IN BIG, BRIGHT, CHERRY RED LETTERS, "REMEMBER".

CG: THE STORY IS ALMOST OVER, AND THIS MIGHT BE OUR FINAL PAGE, BUT I'M GOING TO STICK AROUND FOR THE EPILOGUE.

CG: I LOVE YOU, TEREZI. DON'T FORGET IT YOU BEAUTIFUL DUNCE.

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]**

* * *

**gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]**

GC: TH1S STORY M4Y B3 OV3R, BUT WH3R3 TH1S ON3 3NDS, 4NOTH3R B3G1NS, STUP1D :]

GC: OUR STORY 1S F4R FROM OV3R! 1T'S JUST ON H14TUS!

GC: B3 H4PPY UNT1L TH3 V3RY 3ND, TH3R3 1S ST1LL 4 L1F3 4FT3R L1F3

GC: K33P TURN1NG THOS3 P4G3S, K4RK4T!

GC: 1'LL "S33" YOU SOON ;] 3

**gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]**

* * *

**feel free to follow me on tumblr or w/e**

**johnterezi . tumblr. com**

**damn u ff for taking out all my greater and less than signs.**


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